Jordan's English Blog

 Brian had done something that he couldn't allow his girlfriend, Jasmine to find out.  The only ones who knew were his homeboys.  He had cheated..multiple times. Yes, he felt guilty but as long as he got away with it, he would continue to do it.  Little did he know that his girlfriend had a secret of her own.  She was going to break the news to him soon, she just didn't want to break his heart.  Jasmine had come to the realization that she was attracted to girls.  She found out because she was close to one of Brian's homeboy's sister.  They ended up falling for each other and the only ones that knew was Jasmine's bestfriend, mom, sister, and Brian's homeboy who is the brother of the girl she likes.  On their next get together, Brian and Jasmine broke the news to each other.  They were both hurt but they both had others to move on to and distract themselves with.  Brian's homeboy was no longer his homeboy though.

 Dear Me,  I would like to apologise to myself for not loving me and giving myself enough grace.  I'm sorry for allowing people to treat me the way that they have.  I should've never let myself give in to people that didn't have my best interest in mind. I'm also sorry for abusing you mentally.  I didn't allow you to be who you were and instead I blamed you for everything that went wrong.  There are certain situations where I should have loved you enough to be able to protect you from them. Instead, I led you astray to situations and filled your heart with false hope which got you hurt.  I'm sorry for not allowing you to heal properly and let go.  I'm sorry for hurting you with permanent scars that you'll have to explain to the next person.  You didn't and don't much of the abuse that you went trough mentally and physically.  And I'm sorry for allowing you to go through that much pain and scarring. I promise to do better from now. To mak...

 When I was younger,  I did gymnastics.  Because of it, I was a pretty flexible kid and I was better at balancing.  I used to know how to do a middle split with ease.  I also used to know how to touch my head with my feet.  This skills can only be attempted now but It's not the same. The weird thing is, I do more sports now but I'm still not as flexible as I used to be. I guess that just means I have to stretch more. I also used to make food clay and wax sculptures out of play dough or wax from those blue bell cheese circles.  I can't remember anything else I used to be able to do when I was younger that I can do now.  If anything, I know how to do more things now.

There's this thing I read once that basically said the brain blocks out traumatic events by causing you to forget in attempt to protect you from that pain.  I believe that's the reason I can barely remember the worst three plus years of my life from middle school up until my sophmore year.  All that I DO remember is that I was treated badly, walked all over, taken advantage of, and left alone multiple times.  I'm not sure if I ever deserved it. Maybe I did because I didn't know how to love myself and stick up for myself and I also didn't know how to interact with people.  From it, I went through mulitple stages of depression, messed up relationships I can't really remember the details of, gained some health issues, and etc.  I'm still recovering and learning but hte hardest part about it is that I can't reflect properly because I can't immediately remember the root of the issue or when exactly it started. I guess it go since I can't remember it a...

 This has to be one of my most favorite topics to write about because they're always funny to me looking back.  When I was probably ten or no more than,  I had an imagination more active than now.  Back tracking to when I was five, I used to do gymnastics and I would remember trying to swing up on the bars.  So here I am, at ten years old thinking back to that time while simutaneously trying to mimic what I've seen other gymnasts do.  I was in my bathroom and I had this entertaining idea to pretend I was swinging on the bars by pulling my shower curtain back, stepping on the ledge of my tub, and holding the curtain rod.  I would sway back and forth, pretending that I was at a gymnastics competition doing tricks on the bars. I lost my balance and fell off the ledge with the curtain rod in hand.  Oh I knew I was in for one.  Instead of immediately telling my parents that I broke the shower rod..again.., I decided to gather all my loose change i...

 Personally, I don't think I have "too much" of anything.  There's usually two extremes to everything which consists of too much and too less. In between those two extremes, there's a very large grey area of varying amounts.  I feel as though I fall in the grey area.  The consideration of too much is also subjective to the pov of myself and others.  Outside looking in, someone like my mom for example, might say I have too much hoodies. I've seen people with a lot more than I do just as she's seen people with less; including herself.  I can say I have too many skin care products but I know that there are always people with way more than me so I have to ask myself "do I really have too much?".

 Recently, I just ended a complicated relationship with someone I'd been intimately associating with for about seven months.  In those seven months, I learned a lot about three things: them, myself, and the complications of relationships.  This "situationship" which we call it because we never dated but nearly acted as though we were together had to come to an end three weeks ago.  I cannot deny that I'm still hurt. Who that cares wouldn't?  Late nights to early mornings and again on the phone, religious and spiritual conversations, personal conversations, vulnerability, professions of love, small sacrifices, and more. There were seven months of loving someone or learning to love them.  Since they've been gone, they've moved on. I'm giving them their space because I can see that there's growth that needs to be done between the both of us and maybe we cannot properly do that together.  Unfortunately, they've found someone to occupy their time wh...